Saturday, May 1, 2010

I'm about to go to the bar by myself more often

So I am wide awake at 9:30 am because I am such a morning person and I hate it.

But anyway, I woke up yesterday and went to my Creative Writing class, mostly because CWG is in it, and what is funny about this class is that there are 3 hot girls, and the other two are both dating guys I play rugby with. But anyway, one kid in the class asked me what I was writing my paper on for another class and I told him I got expelled, and the whole class hears this and then I have to recant my entire story about getting kicked out of school. Then one girl in the class, who is conveniently a lesbian, asked my why I still come to Creative Writing, and I did not have an answer...I did have an answer, but it is not very smooth to just point to CWG and say I want to bone her.

So after class I walk to the food-stop and, sure enough, both of the other girls are there with their boyfriends, so I have to explain, twice, about how I got kicked out of school. Then I run into Shorty, who is a friend of The Bff, and a girl I hung out with a lot last year, and she tells me she's graduating and asks if I am to. So I have to explain, again, to Shorty and her boyfriend, about how I got kicked out of school.

Then I went back to my apartment and played Call of Duty until about six when I decided to go to the gym. I got dressed and walked all the way to the rec center only to find that it is closed. So then I remember this run we used to do for rugby which would take me about a mile away, around a lake, and back to campus, about a 3 mile run. Turns out, I didn't remember this run as well as I thought I did...I ran to the lake and started to run on the path around it when the path suddenly forked, and there was a sign pointing left saying "[trail name] 3 miles," and one pointing right saying "[other trail name] 5 miles." Well I'm not about to stop running, so I go left.

So soon I start simply hiking, and the trail becomes submerged entirely in wilderness. Now, the only thing I have on me is my apartment key, and its like 8pm now, and the sun is setting quick, and I'm on this fucking trail in the middle of nowhere, but somehow I find my way back to the lake and walk home, having traveled about six miles altogether on my feet.

So back in my apartment, I'm talking to CWG about meeting her at the bar, and I'm texting all my friends looking for a wing person. Now this sucks because Hn2 went home, Hn1 is going to a party with her underage friend, Bigirl is not going out, Ben is in Buffalo, and The Bff is going on a I make the drastic decision to walk to the bar by myself.

So I start pregamming with the people I'm playing Call of Duty with...this is something I actually do quite often, and then I start to walk to the bar. Now the walk to the bar is about another mile, and I start regretting it about half way there because I've walked enough miles already to start feeling Jewish. But on my way, I get a text from the Bff saying she is at a local bar and the date is getting awkward, and the local bar is on my route, so I stop in for a couple of drinks.

Now in the bar is the Bff and her date, some fly-ass Greek dude, and then two of the Bff's co-workers who I've hung out with before: Mom and Chant Girl. Now I call her Mom because she is my age...and she has a baby...and I call the other Chant Girl because back in February I hooked up with her and the reasoning behind this, I think, is because I was hammered and just kept starting chants, which I guess is a turn on for her.

So we watch the end of the Lakers game, Fly-ass Greek Dude is a huge Lakers fan, and he has bought me about seven drinks, which makes him awesome in my book. And I'm texting CWG and she's telling me to go to club-bar, which I get prepared to walk to when suddenly Mom offers me a ride. So I take the ride, and somehow we exchange numbers so I have a ride home, and they all go to awesome pub while I walk up the street to club bar.

So Club bar is beyond crowded. I walked in looking for CWG and decided to stop at the bar for a beer. So while I'm waiting, someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn around to reveal Shorty. So Shorty is in the bar with her female friends, and I decide to buy her and her friend a shot. So this, somehow, means her friend is really into me. Now from what I remember now, and what I remember at the time, her friend was not attractive whatsoever. She was also kinda creepy, as she kept glancing back to make sure I was still beside her, and she also kept making sure that I would come dance with her after we take our shots.

So we take our shots and we go to dance together, and it is really starting register with me how creepy and psycho this bitch is, and I spot Ben's friend on the dancefloor and he gives me a thumbs up, so I give him a throat cut and a head shake and he agrees. Now, with assurance from another guy, I tell Ugly Psycho Girl I have to pee and never come back.

So I walk back to the bar and I run into CWG, and she tells me she cannot find her phone, but I'm kinda drunk now, so I tell her I don't give a shit and keep walking. I run back into Shorty and we start reminiscing about old times and, I'm not entirely certain how the conversation got to this, but I leaned and tried to kiss her. She told me about her boyfriend and I said she was graduating and I wouldn't ever have another chance, so we made out. Then I think I told her that I'd wanted to do that for two years, which is kinda a lie...I've only wanted to do that since like November.

So then I get a text from CWG saying I should meet her at Awesome Bar. Now it is about 1:45, and the bars close at two, so I chug my beer and leave, hoping to get into Awesome Bar just in time. Now as I arrive, I spot CWG standing outside by herself and she tells me that she left and they won't let her back in. Now I am drunk, and I confess my undying love for her and we start making out, and then I call her out on fucking Ben...which seems like a bad idea, but she says:

"Really? That was so fucking long ago, I can't believe you even know that."

Then some girl stumbles out of the bar...its Tall. Now Tall starts hanging on me while I'm talking to CWG, and I'm trying to lose tall, so I call Mom to see if she's ready to drive me home, and in the haste, CWG disappears. Anyway, Mom tells me to meet her at her car and I walk to where she parked, with Tall still hanging on me begging me for a ride.

So Mom comes walking up with some other guy...Mom has a boyfriend and we all know this, he is also the father of her baby...and I tell Tall to ask her if she could have a ride. Tall asks the guy if she could have a ride...and then starts making out with we seize the opportunity and Mom and I get into the car and we drive away. During the drive, she says:
"Don't tell anyone I drove you home."
So I arrive back at my apartment and I walk in to find Smelly passed out in my recliner. Then the Bff calls me and says she's bringing Chant Girl back to the apartment and wants to hang out with me when they get here. So I decide to wait outside for them, but not before I grab some beer out of the refrigerator...and a tray of chicken parm leftover from when Smelly and Orca went to Olive Garden.

So I am sitting on the steps outside of my building drinking beer and eating chicken parm when a taxi comes up and drops a kid off. He comments on my drinking in public and I tell him that I'm not a student anymore so I don't care. I also manage to tell him that I'm waiting for some girls to come and he tells me to come get him when they get there, so I ask him where he lives and he goes:
"Dude, I'm your neighbor."
Now there are four apartments on my floor, and I only talk to the girls in one of them. The other two are full of guys and/or ugly girls, and I think its remarkable how, after almost a full year, I can't say the name of any guy in that apartment. But I tell him I'll come get him and the Bff arrives with Chant Girl.

So I walk upstairs and knock on the guy's apartment and a different guy answers and I, drunkenly, tell him I got girls coming over and his reaction is basically "WTF?" Thinking back, they probably think I'm weird as fuck now, but I assure you, someone in that apartment asked me to come get him!

So I'm hanging out with the Bff and Chant Girl and I tell them about Mom telling me not to tell anyone that she drove me home and they say that she was avidly declaring in Awesome Bar that she would not drive me home, no matter what. I guess she didn't want me to say anything because it would mean she went back on her word...which she did!

So me and Chant Girl are snuggling and its really cute and we start making out and then she passes out. Then I look over at Bff and she's passed out too. Now I am on this couch and I am starting to feel so uncomfortable so I just abandon ship and go back upstairs where I pass out in my bed.