Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My Meeting with Xos, The Retard

So, in order to graduate next semester, like I thought I would be doing before I got suspended from school, I had to take a couple of classes this summer. In order to keep up this facade up with my parents, that I am still in fact a student, I deem it necessary to actually take these summer classes.

Now for some reason, taking summer classes is a long, complicated process, I can't just have my advisor sign off on it, since I was on Academic Probation, I needed to go the Dean who needs to call the President, who needs or organize a meeting in the fucking Oval Office or some shit before I can get any approval to take a summer class...Oh, how I love the lack of encouragement for students on probation to continue their education.

So anyway, I set up a meeting with the Dean of students on academic probation, looking online to find out where his office is and how I can see him. Long story short, I find him listed online and his name is Xos...Xos...Now I am sitting at my laptop thinking "what the fuck, how do I even pronounce that?" You're gonna put students with bad grades in a position where they have to talk to someone whose name is so fucking retarded that you can't even pronounce it. Naturally, I can't call his number and make a meeting with him...because his name is Xos and I have no fucking clue where to even start pronouncing that.

So I take a walk down to his office holding all the papers I need to be signed...I also took my textbooks with me and made $150 selling them back. Anyway I arrive at his office and, I recall reading online that he would be in his office from 8-5 every day, so I arrive at about three. I walked up to his door and tried to get inside, but it was locked and there was no one around. I looked at his schedule printed on the door and there was the reason, on this block schedule, for the time between 2 and 3, it just says in black letters, "Running."

Now seriously University, are you paying this fucker to go running every day for an hour? who allows this? Try that shit in New York and you'll get fired in a second, but in Pennsylvania, its fucking acceptable to just leave your office for a run, as long as you leave a note on your fucking door.

So I sit there and wait for this fucker, wasting an entire hour of my life, sitting here in this office while people walk past and think "oh this kid fucked up if he has to see Xos." Finally, this short, bald, south African guy comes walking up and walks into the office, without saying a word to me. I sit there for a second and think, "is that him?" So I get up and start inside.

So Xos...its pronounced "Christos." What the fuck.

Anyway I tell Xos that I need his signature on these papers so I can take summer classes, which I am allowed to do while suspended, and he brings up my transcript because this is relevant. Now Xos has a heavy ass South African accent, so I can only understand basically every other word he says. Then, instead of just signing the fucking papers, Xos starts asking me why my grades were so fucking bad...seriously guy?

"We offer free tutoring, why didn't you take advantage of that?"
"Um because every tutor in the world won't help me get up for an 8am class."
"Well that's a commitment you shouldn't have made then."
"...I had no choice, I transferred in and my advisor didn't make my schedule until a week before class."
"You should have dropped them then."
Shut the fuck up, your name is Xos. I didn't come here to get lectured about why I got suspended from school, you South African, cotton mouthed piece of shit.
"I just don't understand why you let your grades get so bad."
"...Can you just sign the papers?"
So then Xos has to look online at the course listings for these classes.

"English Lit 1? It says you already took this class."
"...I didn't."
"Why do you have a grade in it then?" he turned the computer towards me where it says "English Lit 2," with a grade next to it.
"Really, Xos?"
Now I start wondering how fucking easy it is to get this job if they can put this retard in charge of people with bad grades. I also realize that the road to becoming a student again is so ridiculously hard that I feel as though I have single-handily solved the drop out problem in America...we put fucking morons like Xos in charge of our futures.

Then this fucker one-ups himself:

"Oh I can't sign this now."
"What? Why not?"
"Because I have an appointment with someone else."
"Come back tomorrow at one."
"...I have class at one(creative writing)"
"...I thought you were on academic suspension."
God dammit, Xos. "How about I come back at 3?"
"...That's when I go running."
"So? Sign my papers then go running."
"Why don't you come at four?"
Now I'm getting frustrated and I seize the opportunity. "No because at four I plan on getting shitfaced with a hot girl from my creative writing class, which I still attend because I want to bone the shit out of sir are the most pointless man on this campus, I will see you at 3 tomorrow, and I find it absurd that the university pays you to go running."

Now, assuming I've offended him, I got up and started out, but he just sat there and laughed. It was weird, it actually made me pause in his doorway and look back at him just in time for him to say, in his deep South African voice, "use protection."

Now while Xos was retarded, I think I made his day by being so blunt. I feel accomplished.