Thursday, May 27, 2010

Chant Girl: The Untold Story

Okay I have established a new kind of post to hold the blog over between nights in New York that suck absolute balls and nights in Pennsylvania where everyone I know is a hot girl who I may or may not bone. I have decided to give the characters of my life some substance, meaning that, I have decided to give better descriptions/historic details/further our interactions by giving each of them their own posts.

I figured Chant Girl was a good person to start with seeing how there were a few big issues concerning this character which I totally left out of the blog...sometimes because they happened before I started writing it and sometimes because I just didn't get a chance.

Well, I'll start her story out in about mid February. It was Wing Night, which is Monday night, and Bigirl and I are getting ready to go out for wings and beer-we had done this every Monday until Rugby decided to move our practice time to Monday night for some retarded reason. So I texted The Bff to see if she was down to come as well, and she informed me that she would meet us there because she was going out with her work friends.

So I never get too hammered during Wing Night because I usually have an 11am class Tuesday mornings, but for some reason this Wing Night was an exception. I was absolutely hammered and Bigirl, The Bff, and I were hanging out with all The Bff's work friends. There must have been about ten of us, three of them were rather attractive girls-two of the three were Mom and Chantgirl.

So apparently its Mom's birthday and I'm hanging out with her boyfriend and his friends, who I find out are Mikee2's roommates, and I notice that there is a creepy old guy just hovering next to Mom and Chantgirl. I grew more weary of the creepy old guy when he busted out his cellphone and began video taping the drunk girls as they played pool, so I seized the opportunity and pointed to the guy, obnoxiously chanting "CREEPY OLD GUY! CREEPY OLD GUY!" Needless to say, this got rid of him.

So then Bigirl and I start to play pool against Mom and Actor(I did not realize this was Actor until recently) and when I'm drunk I suck at pool, but Actor was obscenely good for some reason. So every time his turn came around, I started my own chant for him, usually whatever ball he was aiming to hit, "2-BALL! 2-BALL!" Then it occurred to me that everyone was just listening to my drunken chants and laughing.

Now, I figured they were laughing at me...random drunk kid just starting chants for every little thing that happens, then I realized I was legit entertaining the crew and they thought it was hilarious. This is about the point that Chantgirl starts hanging on me and I start dropping dough buying her beers and such. I even remember at one point standing on the little ledge at the base of the bar so I looked taller and asking the bartender how tall she thought I was only to step down and laugh at her.

Then Chantgirl asked me to walk her to the bathroom, don't ask me why she couldn't go by herself, but long story short, we started making out right outside of the bathrooms. After a while, we headed back and I was greeted by Bigirl telling me she was ready to leave if I wanted a ride, but Chantgirl kept insisting I stay with them for the next bar we'd be heading to. Well it doesn't take a horny genius to realize what I should do, so I decided to stay.

We wound up at a bar I sometimes went to with The Bff where a lot of locals hang out. Now the creepy thing about this bar is that I cannot take a piss here without some dude talking to me, its uncanny, I can't explain it, but every time I've ever had to pee in this bar, someone has walked in and started a conversation mid-piss, it was a little creepy.

But I'm still drunk, and its karaoke night and I must have looked like such a drunk asshole just starting chants about the locals who were up at the karaoke machine while they were singing. Anyway, I remember buying Mom a shot for her birthday and she started hanging on me too which caused Bff to come up to me and say, "Mikee, her boyfriends right there!" I'm not sure what I said, but it was something along the lines of, "no, its okay, trust me." Don't worry, I didn't do anything with her, she was just drunk and flirty.

Well soon 2am comes around and the bar is closing, but I insist that the party will continue in my apartment! Wasn't much of a party, it was Bff, Mom, Chantgirl, and Actor hanging out in my living room-I also invited Hn1 over and she brought the guy she was hooking up with at the time: a total toolbag with giant arms, and I did not give him this nickname, but his nickname was Gunz.

The thing about Gunz is, as much as I tried to hate him for being a tool, he was waaaaaay too nice of a guy to hate, and I actually liked him, although this is at a point of the semester where I was trying to get with Hn1 still, so it was always a little weird.

Like I said, it wasn't much of a party, especially because I did not have nearly as much alcohol as I thought I did. But there was a point in the night where Chantgirl asked me for a tour of my apartment, and when I got to my empty bedroom, she started to give me a blowjob. I should probably establish my mindset for the night, I had just met a pretty hot girl who, seemingly out of nowhere, was sucking my dick...shit like this never really happens to me. But in my own rationalization of what was going on, I decided that she was only attracted to me because I was starting funny chants...hence the nickname, "Chantgirl."

Next thing I knew, it was morning and I woke up on the recliner hungover like a motherfucker ready for class...I did not get Chantgirl's number nor did I expect anything else to happen ever again.

Maybe a month or so passed and Bigirl and I went to visit Bff at work-she worked in a bar/restaurant in the next town. Needless to say, Chantgirl is bartending...also this is when I injured my shoulder and I'm wearing a sling, she has not asked me why, also, she hasn't really even acknowledged me whatsoever, so I figure it was just a one night stand where some hot drunk girl blew me because I was funny and saved her from a creepy old guy.

I ran into Chantgirl in the bar a few weeks later and I asked her if she remembered me and she said, "of course I do....Mikee, right?" Bff later assured me that she asked her earlier in the night, "wait, your friend's name is Mikee, right?"

Now we must fast forward to Easter. I had went home but Bff stayed at school to work and she called me late that night saying she had something important to tell me.

"Mikee, I might have hooked up with someone last night..."
I quickly tried to think about who was still at school. "Was it Ben?"
"No! You don't know them that well..."
"Ew,, wrong sex."
"...Hn1? Because that would be hot."
"NO! Chantgirl!"

Well here's the thing, I never knew Bff was bisexual in the slightest bit, but what the fuck, its college, go experiment, ladies. Needless to say, the conversation got waaay better:

"She kept asking where you were, and if you'd be interested in a three-way."

So I've banged my portion of girls, but there are two things sexually I have never done, and one of them is a threeway. I wasn't really down with this threesome however, mostly because I always imagined Bff, seeing how she is my best friend, as a guy-I have never done anything with her, and people find this weird because of how close we are, but truthfully, although she is a hot girl, I am just not interested. I might have suggested that I would be soooo interested if it was Chantgirl and someone else, at risk of jeopardizing the friendship.

Anyway, no threeways ever happened unfortunately.

So one day I was in the Bff's apartment when she was on the phone with Chantgirl telling her it would be alright because "he was stupid and he fucked up." I asked her what she was talking about and she said

"Oh, Chantgirl's boyfriend got arrested."
Wait, Chantgirl has a boyfriend? Well, apparently, they've been together for three years, so they were definitely together when she blew me. Do I care? Not at all. I'm not even phased by the fact that he got arrested for getting into a high speed chase with police because he didn't have his car insured. Then I started to wonder if she even knows that she gave me a blowjob.

Then the post "I'm gonna start going to the bar by myself more often" happened, where I hooked up with three girls in one night, including Chantgirl again. That marks the last time I saw her...I guess its cool that this hot girl cheated on her boyfriend with me multiple times, without me even knowing he existed, nor her seeming like she cared. It all made me kinda wish I had that threesome afterall.

During Finals Week, Bff got another call, this time from Chantgirl's boyfriend, demanding to know if she was cheating on him. I just laughed.