Sunday, June 6, 2010

I Like Townie Bars.

I got a vast picture of my future last night when I met up with Britt(from "Mikee is an asshole") at a townie bar in the north part of my town. It was a comical bar seeing how there were two distinct groups of guests, the underage, since no one was id-ing, and the old-ass townies who, for the most part, all wore bandannas for some odd reason. There were no bouncers, "no smoking" signs all over, but people still smoked in the bar, two bartenders, and a door with no handle on the outside...the only way you could get in is to have someone inside open it for you.

So I walked to the bar, we all know I love walking places to get drunk, and I cannot get inside because the door has no handle, so I resort to calling Britt and telling her to let me in, which she does. Now for a bar with no feasible entrance, there sure are a lot of people here...amongst them is Monotone's older brother who recognizes me right away and we briefly catch up.

So I head over to Britt and meet up with her and her friends...keep in mind, I have not so much as seen any of her friends since highschool, so this is a big moment for all of them. Her friends are Bomb, Bomb2, and Babykiller. Bomb and Bomb2 are twin sisters who barely make it over five feet in height, and earned these nicknames because they essentially look like atomic bombs. Babykiller would be an attractive/cool girl if she didn't throw herself down a flight of stairs 6 years ago to kill the baby in her stomach. But I'm socializing with them none the less.

Then there is this guy there with half an arm, which isn't funny, but every time I looked at him he was doing funny ass shit with his nub. At one point, he was balancing a beer on it, at another he was air-guitaring with it, like come on, that's funny!

So anyway I start to walk towards the bathroom, but I have to walk past the girl's bathroom first where there is an unreasonably long line. As I'm walking past the girl's room, one girl breaks off the line and starts walking in front of me, and then once she reaches the men's room, she fucking goes inside. So my reaction is "WTF really?" Now I'm waiting outside of the men's room for a girl to stop peeing and there is a line behind me, right behind me is a fat Spanish guy. So the girl walks out and apologises and the fat Spanish guy starts to laugh. Then we each get inside to pee and the fat Spanish guy starts telling me a story about girls in the boys room, but I cannot decipher a word he is saying, so I'm just agreeing as if I knew what the fuck he was saying.

Then I find out its Monotone's brother's birthday so I buy him a jegabomb, which I am told is on the house because he is a regular. Then I proceed to buy beers for myself, Britt, and Babykiller and when the bartender sees me holding a fifty dollar bill in my hand, she tells me my beer is free. So I have to tell her I want 3 beers instead, complicating the whole free beer issue, and she gets two more and takes my fifty. But then she comes back with 52 dollars basically the bar gave me two dollars and three free beers.

Then I remember I was outside with Monotone's brother who is hammered and this is funny because we call our friend Monotone because he has a deep monotone voice, and his brother does not, unless he is hammered. So I'm just laughing at every word Monotone's brother says and I, again, can't understand any of it. But then we head back inside and Montone's brother takes a seat at the bar, looks back to me and says "Good night!" and puts his head down on the bar surface to take a nap. Yes, he passed out on the bar and no one, repeat, no one attempted to wake him up for the rest of the night.

So soon Britt and her friends left and I walked home and passed out...felt good to go to a bar here that isn't full of tools where the bartenders do not understand how to make change for big bills and everyone over 30 wears bandannas.