Monday, April 26, 2010

A Glossary of Characters for Bob

At Bob's request, I will make a glossary of the characters in my life/that have already appeared in the blog:

Hot Neighbor number 1(HN1) is my neighbor and she is hot(obviously). I banged her a while ago and now she has a new boyfriend, but she is also a tool magnet and seems to flock towards only the douchiest guys.

Hot Neighbor number 2(HN2) is my other hot neighbor. She is loud, obnoxious, morbid, and very annoying but hot and sometimes funny. She also will go out of her way to cockblock me after we went to a psychic together, and the psychic told me that she would "hinder my future relationships."

Bigirl is a friend of mine, and a friend of both HN's. She is a cute bisexual girl who talks about sex a LOT, and this attracts all of my guy friends to her instantly.

The Bff is my best friend. She is also a girl. She is hot and people often find it weird that, in the two years we've known each other, we've never done anything, but I tell them that this is because she is not into white guys. She is the best wingman(girl?) ever.

Ben is a former roommate of mine who has a house now off campus. He is a good guy and tends to get very cocky sometimes, only to be funny. He will hit on every girl he sees, even if she is going out with his best friend, and I often get a little worried that he will steal a girl from me.

Hank is another former roommate of mine. We shared a room together in Fall 2009, and lived together all of last year. He is strait up PA white trash, but that is partially what makes him so funny. He has 3 DUI's, pees wherever he wishes, can eat a whole kitchen while drunk, and just plain does not give a shit about anything. He is now a highschool history teacher...go figure.

George Costanza is the kid I shared a room with all of last year. He is twice as nurotic as the real George Costanza, is always worried about getting sick and/or looking weird in front of people. His theories on life can be so laughable sometimes. Oh yeah, he is also convinced I came on his laptop.

Bruce, who has not been introduced yet, was our "seventh" roommate last year, in an appartment that only fit five people. He attended one class a week and always brought the alcohol into the situation. He always drove to the bar, every single night.

Smelly is my current roommate. He has showered 3 times all semester and smells absolutely horrible...basically he'll go a month without fucking but will smell like sex. He is disgusting, he leaves clothes and shit everywhere, and he has a fat girlfriend.

Orca is Smelly's fat girlfriend. She can be fun to talk to sometimes, but can also talk a little too much.

The Youngings are the other three people we live with. They are all sophomores.

Berries is a girl I banged a few times last year, and after each time, I found a convienent way to get rid of her.

Dino is a girl I was hooking up with at the end of last year. She is in the dreaded sorority. I was down with Dino until summer 2009, when she gained about 40 lbs.

Bathroom Girl is also in the dreaded sorority. We had a one night stand last semester and made plans to hang out again which she strongly ignored. She also denied my friend request on facebook, bitch.

Tall is the housemate of Dino and Bathroom Girl, and is a girl I banged this semester. She is three inches taller than me.

Georgia is a girl in my Poly Sci class and is Tall's best friend. She is 24 and divorced, but looks like a seventeen year old, and is originally from Georgia.

Tubbytits is a fat girl with huge tits who wants to fuck me, apparently.

RA is my ex girlfriend who was the building's RA last semester. She is a money grubbing bitch who is currently mooching off her 30 year old boyfriend.

Cousin 1 is my ex girlfriend from highschool.

Cousin 2 is my ex girlfriend from senior year of highschool through about a year and a half ago...yes they are each others cousins...not mine.

RGF, or roommate's girlfriend's sister, is the sister of one of the younging's girlfriends. I banged RGF earlier this semester.

I think that covers everyone important.

On a sidenote, Smelly just opened the closed door to our room, came in, got something, left, and didn't close the fucking door. Seriously, does that piss anyone else off? If the door is closed before you get there, close it when you fucking leave. I'm gonna go kick him off the living room tv so I could play COD and drink with HN2. Good night.

Adding to the list:

CWG, or Creative Writing Girl is a girl in my creative writing class who I am trying desperately to bone before she graduates. She is amongst the hottest girls I've ever seen and she fucked Ben two years ago and I'm convinced she is only into me because I'm a good writer.

Shorty is a girl we hung out with a lot last year and now I scarcely see around. She works at the food-stop.

Chant Girl is a friend of the Bff's that I've hooked up with, I think, solely because I was hammered and I kept coming up with funny chants.

Mom is another friend of the Bff's. She is my age and has a baby.

Fly-ass Greek Dude is the guy the Bff is "seeing."

Jegabombs is a friend of mine from home who goes to the same school as me.

Jungle is a friend of The Bff and is probably the hottest black girl I know.