Sunday, February 6, 2011

This School is Too Damn Small

So due to a technicality, Ben is back in school for 2 more semesters! He now lives with New Zealand a few blocks away from me so we get to hang out often. (New Zealand, who is now hooking up with RA's best friend).

I'm gonna sum up my Friday night real quick here. So Bff came up to visit, Jungle got sloppily intoxicated, some Spanish girl with no teeth named Florida tried to hit on me, and, oh yeah, Chantgirl was hanging out with us. So all night Chantgirl was grabbing my dick and trying to get me to acknowledge, and Ben was getting pissed at me for not pursuing her, however, if you remember Chantgirl, she does have a boyfriend who just got paroled. On top of that, she is 24 and doesn't go to school here, which, in all honesty, makes her a local, and means this boyfriend probably has local ties that could fuck my life up tremendously, so even though she is sexy as fuck, no thank you Chantgirl. But alcohol soon set in and I got me another blowjob anyway.

So last night George Costanza came up to visit and Ben decided he would throw a party at his house. I migrated over with Beard and Bigirl and we let the party begin, Beard spending the whole night being uncannily good at beerpong and uncannily shitty at kings.

So there was a large group of sophomore girls at the party and we were mingling with them. I have no clue what I said to this one girl but she kept insisting I was the funniest person she ever met and she kept migrating back over towards me and I kept fucking with her, saying she was creepy and whatnot. In the mean time, Beard was making progress with another girl and, finally, we convinced both of them to come back to our house.

The four of us left, walking through the streets of ice and melted ice, aka, ice and deep deep puddles. At one point, Beard's girl just fell and slid on her ass for like ten feet, it was hilarious. But anyway, we get back to the house and we all sit around in Beard's room and we start talking.

Now I'm not sure how this came up exactly but my girl suddenly heard Beard's real name and said:
"Wait, did you fuck Heather?"
Beard had no clue what she was talking about.
"...Heather with the teeth!"
Then I remembered! Heather with the teeth is the ugly ass girl Beard brought home in "The Racist Roommate," post, aka, the night I had to walk her racist bitch of a roommate home just so Beard could get laid. Might I also add in this story, the racist roommate kept insisting she was afraid of black people and, at one point, tripped over the curb and smashed her face into the pavement.
So anyway, the whole thing clicks and I stand up excitedly laughing at Beard, declaring "THAT WAS THE UGLY ASS GIRL YOU BROUGHT BACK HERE WHILE I HAD TO WALK HER RACIST BITCH OF A ROOMMATE HOME!!"
Everyone laughed, that is, except for Beard's girl, who waited for the laughing to stop, and calmly looked over at me: "So um, I'm a racist bitch?"
Well this hit me right away, The Racist Roommate was totally in my house right now and, not only did I totally not recognize her, I totally just called her a racist bitch! Thankfully she wasn't mad, mostly because "I was a very nice guy," but I did take this opportunity to point out her racism. I also realized that every time I had been walking somewhere with this girl she, somehow, busted her face on the pavement....clumsiest racist ever.

So I took my girl into the living room so Beard could be alone with The Racist Roommate but nothing happened there because he is not me so he doesn't have the uncanny ability to bang roommates. I made out with my girl a little but then they went home and we reveled in our absurd night.