Friday, February 18, 2011

Mikee and The Cougar

This will be a brief post while I wait for Mac to get out of the shower so I can take a long ass shit and brush my teeth but I just got home and had a very, lets say, interesting night.

Okay so I went out with Ben and New Zeland and CWG was visiting so I saw her for a little while, that is, until her tall ass cunt of a friend got mad at me(I'm still not entirely accepted amongst her friends because of the whole cunt thing) and started yelling at me, so I walked away and ran into Greg who told me to come with him to Clubbar.

So I'm in Clubbar and I'm pissed at Tallcunt but I started talking to some random girl sitting at the bar. Now I was pretty drunk, and I feel I had no way of knowing this, but said random girl was actually 45 years old. We're both getting drunker and drunker and I tell her about CWG and Tallcunt. She replies by saying I don't know how to make a girl orgasm...well, now I have to prove that I do. So at about 1am, we started walking to her house.

So I get up to her bedroom and there are all these pictures around of a cute young girl in a band uniform who, Cougar assures me, is her daughter. Now you know you're fucking someone too old for you when you would, and legally could, fuck their daughter.

Well anyway we get to fucking and she has that big child birthed vagina that I fucked regardless, and I guess I made her gasm but I'm not entirely certain. I know I came a few times, one time she swallowed it and another time she couldn't get down there quick enough, so she just kinda cleaned the cum/russian potato chips off my dick with her t-shirt...moms.

Anyway, after its all said and done, she gives me the best compliment ever:

"You have a really nice you should be a dick model."

Well there's no need to evaluate on why that's awesome.

So anyway morning comes and I wake up next to a cougar, who is snoring like there's no tomorrow, and I think "WTF did I do last night?"

Then Cougar starts talking to me about CWG, saying I should find a new girl. On top of this, she left the room to make a phonecall real quick and then returned, assuring me that she just broke up with her boyfriend. I didn't really think anything of this.

Then she asked me what year I was in school, I said "Super Senior," and she asked if I knew her daughter, as her daughter is a senior at the University. I looked at the picture again and slowly realized that her daughter does look familiar, but I'm not certain where I'd seen her before.

So anyway I get my ride home with the Cougar and I go upstairs to prepare for class. I head over to my class and while my teacher was talking about Keats or something, I was just seeing myself shove both my hands into the cougar's baby ridden vagina simultainiously. Then I headed to my second class, which is a bigger collection of non english majors and, well, I realized why Cougar's daughter looked so familiar...yep, she's in my class. This was the first time ever in my life that I could look at someone and think "Hey I had both my hands in your mom's vagina six hours ago."