Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Racist Roommate

So last night Beard and I went to the other house for the post game party. The team had won an away game, which neither of us attended, but Mack insisted we come to the party anyway, so we did.

We started to pregame and I got Mack to partake in his first power hour, which ended after 20 minutes as he was unaware of how powerful a power hour really was. Then I bought a couple of 40's, as we didn't want to pay for beer, and walked to the house.

So Beard and I were on the back porch hanging out when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was a was 11 and cops had already come. The cop asked if I was the owner, I said no and found the closest owner who was over 21, and then someone else assured the cop that the remaining people on the porch were all 21(everyone underage either went inside or ran away). The cop responded by saying we all had to go anyway, and that, unless anyone was peeing in public or had an open container, he would "not pursue us." So I called him a douche and we left.

Beard and I, with our open 40's, went to a party down the block. This party was at a house owned by only girls who were absolutely horrible at crowd control, so this was kinda funny. Then Beard and I had the revelation that parties thrown by girls are usually only attended by dudes, and we realized this house was an absolute sausage fest, so we went back to rugby.

After a little while back here, and upon seeing Mack who was with his new girlfriend...who would be an attractive girl if she wasn't six feet tall, Beard and I started talking to this girl. This girl, who I remember, had large ass gums...a total turnoff for me, but upon learning I was also from New York, she insisted she have my number. This was the second thing I said to her.

So I pulled out of the conversation and let her talk to Beard...who then started to make out with her. Then the girl beside me goes:

"What the fuck? Really?"

I asked her why she had such a startled reaction only to learn that this girl was her roommate. She then went on by saying:

"She always brings home guys...and she is ugly as fuck! And now I'll have no where to sleep because she'll be using the room!"

Well it doesn't take a genius to offer this girl a bed. I also agreed that her roommate was ugly as fuck and offered to walk her back to the dorms...also after telling her that her roomie was getting with my roomie. She replied:

"Good because I don't wanna walk by myself...I don't wanna get raped by some black dude."

I didn't think anything of this, but we watched as Beard and uggo kinda hoping he would take her back to her place so I could bang this girl. He took her back to ours though, as I learned through a text from Mack, and so I finished my beer and started to walk home with her.

As we left, she called her friend. On the phone, she goes:

"I'm walking home with someone named Mikee. He's about my height, has a scruffy beard, brown hair, brown sweatshirt, and white shoes...if I don't make it back."

Now I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or...who am I kidding, I was kinda insulted but I'm used to shit like this. So I grabbed the phone and told whoever was on the other end what my full name was, where i lived, and what my number was. That put her at ease.

Then she goes:

"He's not black, so I should be fine."

This is the point that I realized that this girl was a flaming racist. It was kinda funny because, I mean, she was just openly afraid of black people, and I was walking her home. Then she tripped over a curb because Karma is a bitch and I had to help her up and what not...while saying it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Also, there were a bunch of black people walking too and she made me stop walking so they could pass us...I guess, because she didn't want to get raped.

Anyway, we got back to her dorm and she said goodbye...I kinda knew I wasn't getting any when she needed to call her friend and give out a Just-in-case Amber Alert. But she took down my number, for some reason, and went inside and I walked home...having been an excellent wingman for Beard. It was fun.