Saturday, October 16, 2010

Mikee's Adventures in Tool Center

I have been back in New York since Wednesday...seeing how I don't go to class or work or do anything with my life I came home to get some money and see my home friends again.

So last night I ate a shit ton of Mexican food and then went to Andrew's house to watch the Yankees game. While watching the game, I decided Andrew would, while also pregamming for Tool Center, give me a haircut, as he insisted he was good at it. Needless to say, I was set on wearing a hat all night as a result.

So soon Pronk, Butch, Longarms, and Brittney(who Andrew is now hooking up with as a result of me) come over to pregame with us. Then the Yankees won and we all decided to go to Tool Center.

We went up to the bar we usually go to and, as I was showing the bouncer my ID, he informed me that I could not come inside with my hat. Uncertain of what I would do, he said I could throw my hat up onto a light outside and he'd watch it...I mean, doesn't seem too smart but he was convincing about it, so I heaved my hat onto a light outside and went in.

We were at this bar for like ten minutes before everyone decided we should go somewhere else, so we went down to another bar in the area, and yes, I had the bouncer get my hat from on top of the light before we left. Here, I ran into like 12 people I haven't seen since summer and we all caught up briefly.

Then I tried to get a shot I usually have in Pennsylvania, but upon asking the bartender to make me one, she told me she had no clue what was in it. Unfortunately, neither did I, so I wound up looking it up on my phone and handing her the phone to use as a guide to making the shot. This rendered more than just a shot...I had an entire mixed drink in my hand now that was orange and fruity looking, but I chugged it and got hammered. Also, I got it for free.

So then I went outside to the smoking area with most of my friends and, I don't know how or why, but someone had a tin of Skoal and they gave me a lip. So I'm spitting into a bottle and I'm drunk when I run into Butch sitting at a table with a familiar looking girl. When I got closer, I realized this girl was the bartender and she insisted I sit with them.

Also at this table however is Burntback. Burntback is a cunt I went to highschool with who I fucking hate. She is ghetto and slutty and thinks she's the shit, and she always has a way to make me feel like shit every time I see her. Also, someone threw acid at her or lit her on fire or some shit because she has disgusting char marks on her back. She also has weird ass nipples(Yes, the whole grade's seen them).

Tangent Time:

Here is an example of why I hate Burntback. In December I went to Tool Center with Longarms and Andrew and they ran to the ATM before going inside, so I went in by myself. Inside, I spotted Burntback, who is 22 years old for the record, and I assume that means she has probably grown up significantly since the last time I saw her. Instead, she goes "Oh, so you come to the bar by yourself, Mikee?" Fucking cunt.

Anyway, she is now 23 years old and still a cunt. But, getting back to the story, this table is me, Burntback, Bartender, Butch, and some random girl. Then she starts right away being a cunt towards me saying,

"Oh, I haven't seen Mikee out in a while, I didn't think he actually came out..."

I didn't say anything.

"Mikee, what the fuck is up with your hair? Did you like cut it yourself or something?"

No response.

"Seriously, who did you come here with?"

I answered by saying something along the lines of "shut the fuck up."

She goes:

"You're just mad because I would never fuck you."

Well, this is what I do best when I'm drunk with a lip in my mouth....

"Why would I ever wanna fuck you? You are an ugly piece of shit, so shut the fuck up you burnt back cunt with your ugly ass nipples."

Then the table went silent.

She said something along the lines of "Woooooooooowwwwww Mikee...seriously, get the fuck out of here."

Even Butch said, "Seriously, that was fucked up..."

But I made it a point to remain seated at that table for 15 more minutes while she changed the topic of conversation and I quietly enjoyed my victory.

Anyway, eventually Pronk came over and insisted we go back to the first bar, so me, him, Longarms, and some girl Longarms was talking to started to walk back. On the way, I told Pronk about what I said to Burntback and he thought it was great.

So we went back to the first bar, and I had to throw my hat on top of a light again, but when I got inside, everyone left but Longarms and his girl. I hung out with them for a little, feeling like a third wheel, and decided I would call my parents for a ride home(I'm awesome).

So I went outside and had the bouncer get my hat. After he did, I started to walk across the parking lot when I ran into a random girl I didn't know. From what I remember, this girl was a total guidette, fake tan and all. However, I did notice that she was the best looking out of her group of friends and we started talking.

Now I don't know how much time had passed, but she had her arms around my neck and was talking to me and we had started making out. I'm not sure exactly when, but during this a car appeared to my right. Once I realized the car wasn't moving, I glanced over to see my parents inside of it and thought "Fuck me...I forgot I called them."

So I said bye to guidette, got into my parents' car and they asked:

"Who was that girl?"

I answered: "I don't know."

"What was her name?"

"...I don't know."

And that concludes Mikee's adventures in Tool Center.