Saturday, December 4, 2010

Hookahs, Cougars, and Highschoolers

I may be doing this a day too soon, as the weekend is not yet over, but I feel this is very much so post worthy, so I must write it!

So to update my life:

1. CWG and I still talk, but I haven't seen her since the night I made out with seven girls and she was number 3.
2. Bigirl and Tall are now close friends
3. Beard has a court date coming up regarding a girl who perioded on his leg.
4. I am currently hooking up with a Jewish girl(Jewgirl) I met at a party one night, she thinks I live at the house I met her at.
5. CCG and Cripple no longer talk, but Cripple and I see each other all the time.

So on thursday Bff came up to visit. She was pregamming with Jungle at her apartment so I met up with Bigirl, Hn1, and Tall at Tall's house to pregame with them. Soon we went to clubbar where we were pretty much the first ones in attendance.

So we get into the bar, me with 3 hot girls, and who do I run into? Cripple and her friends, all of which I know. I also meet Texas and her friends, and that pretty much covers everyone in the bar who isn't a local and pretty much makes me look like the single greatest guy in this entire town as I know every girl in attendance. Soon Bff and Jungle show up too and eventually the place gets crowded as it always does.

Now here I am standing next to Tall, who insists I rub my face in her tits, so I did. Then I realize there is an older lady, with a perfect body by the way, eyeing me, so I look to Bigirl and ask if I should go talk to her. Now also keep in mind, Beard's fantasy is to fuck a cougar, so I obviously will never pass up this opportunity...and upon Bigirl's approval, I approached.

So it turns out Cougar is 42...that is 20 years older than me...she could be my mom. She was, admittedly, a good looking cougar though, like legit. Then we started making out and she told me I was bad...which I guess I am pretty bad. Then Jegabombs and Greg each arrive and I tell both of them I'm about to fuck a cougar...and I text Beard and tell him I'm about to fuck a Cougar and I think I'm the shit. Then Cougar introduces me to her friend and says:

"This is my neighbor, I can't ditch her."

Well I'm drunk and blind to anything that isn't pussy at this point, so this doesn't mean anything to me. Regardless, I'm still making out with a cougar in a crowded bar while all my female friends laugh at me and take pictures. This probably explains why, when I went to the bathroom and returned, Cougar was gone.

From here the night turned into a great pussy search, which unfortunately ended with nothing for me...I did make out with another girl but that was only because she's a slut who tends to greet every guy that way. Then I ran into Flapper.

Flapper is Beard's CWG...I mean, he is in love with her and convinced she is the greatest girl in the world. I call her Flapper because she looks like a flapper, or, like a girl who would have been incredibly hot in the 1920's. But Flapper, every time she sees me, insists on flirting with me and if I may say, I am not above pursuing this while intoxicated. The only reason I didn't do anything with Flapper is because a fight broke out in front of us, and a chair got thrown at Bff, who wound up spraining her a most comical fashion.

That brings us to last night.

So Bigirl, Bff, and I got Chinese food, went to the mall where we meet up with Mom and Chantgirl, both of which were happy to see me for the first time since last semester. Then we went back to my house so I could shower but Bff left to meet up with Mom and Chantgirl...which I didn't really want to do. Instead, I decided to go to a party with Beard and I invited Jewgirl who told me she was with nine girls...yes that's like a whole fucking schoolbus full of 18 year old poon. We had Bigirl drop us off at this party and then she left.

After about 20 minutes at this party we learned that Jewgirl wasn't coming. We also learned that the house next-door was partying too, so Beard and I went inside. We won about three beerpong games and all ten of the people present, including about five hot girls, loved us. Then we learned they were all highschool seniors who own the house. We were partying with highschoolers and didn't even know.

Somewhere along this time, Beard gets really drunk and is stumbling all over the house. I met a black girl who is 20 and we start talking in the living room. During this, one of the highschoolers presents their hookah and I insist she light it up, so she does.

So I'm smoking a hookah, talking to a cute black girl, in a house owned by highschoolers who think Beard and I are awesome, while Beard is stumbling over furniture, and stealing beers and dvds. Regardless, I'm hitting it off Blackgirl who tells me her younger sister lives there, hence her being in this house and whatnot.

I asked her where she was from.

She goes, "Northern Manhattan."



Then I proceeded to tell her a story where I had to introduce someone who was black and I caught myself, instead of just saying "Black guy," looking over my shoulder for a black person totally forgetting I was talking to one.

So I'm pretty much in on Blackgirl and she gets up to use the bathroom. Beard then comes in and says our ride is here to take us home, so we say goodbye to the highschoolers and, unable to wait for Blackgirl to come out of the bathroom, I point to a picture of another black girl hanging on the refrigerator and say "Tell her sister I said bye." Then some random kid gave us a ride home. Fun night.

CWG is in town tonight...maybe there will be another post.