Sunday, August 22, 2010

RA: The Untold Story

About a year ago, when Hank and I moved into our apartment upstairs, I remember meeting up with him in the parking lot outside. We moved our stuff into our room, met the youngings for the first time, and then Hank assured me that, seeing how we were on the top floor, there was a possibility we could move away the ceiling tiles and walk above the ceiling. This was the Younging's introduction to us, Hank and I emerging from the ceiling with flashlights, it was pretty cool.

So anyway, we were rather bitter about the whole school buying our apartment building thing, and upon learning that they'd be giving us an ra, Hank was probably more pissed than he'd ever been, and I don't blame him, I mean, after spending like 7 semesters of college without an ra just to get one for your final semester, I'd be pissed too.

But then I went into the hallway where the ra, who lived across the hall from us, was ready to introduce herself. After our brief introduction, she tells me that there is a mandatory meeting at 7, which I reply by saying I would not be there because I had to go to dinner with my parents. She was kinda upset about this...I soon atoned her reaction to the fact that our introduction took place at 6:55, and the meeting which I "had to miss," was only five minutes in the future. It didn't matter.

So Hank and I grew fascinated with the apartment across the hall, mostly because of the two hot girls who lived there(Hn1 and Hn2) that we were yet to socialize with. I remember we briefly said hello to each other a few times, but the first extended socializing either of us had with the hot neighbors was when I was sleeping in the living room and I heard them banging on their door.

I opened my door, mostly because they were loud and it was 3am, only to learn that they had went out and were now returning drunk and locked out of their apartment. This is when we started talking and what not, and got pretty close with each other, and whatever, and made plans to actually hang out some time.

A couple of days later, Hank and I were playing Call of Duty when there was a knock on our door to reveal RA, Hn1, and Hn2 jokingly saying they were gonna confiscate our alcohol. They revealed it to be a joke and then RA, who I didn't realize was the RA, invited us across the hall to drink with them:

RA: Come across the hall and drink with us!
Me: Okay...but isn't that where the RA lives?
RA: ...I am the RA
Me: Okay, be right there.

So we drink in the RA's apartment with Hn1, Hn2, and RA and then Hank and I go outside to smoke weed with RA, and she gets hammered. So she's sitting next to me on the couch and just keeps yelling "I wanna make outtt!" and I would have done this except I was 85% certain she had a boyfriend, so I didn't. She was also grotesquely eating a bowl of ceriel at the time, which kinda turned me off.

Well soon the alcohol was finished and we went back to our apartment.

So fast forward a couple of weeks. Hank and I went out to the bars and returned hammered. we get up to our hallway and Hank decides to take a piss on the wall opposite our apartment. At the same time, I decide to grab a marker and write the word "vagina" in big black letters all over the walls.

At the end of that week, there was a "mandatory floor meeting," which I assumed would be all my fault, but it was not thankfully. RA simply made a small footnote about the person who vandalized the walls, saying she would find out who it was.

So then it was Halloween and me and the hot neighbors were discussing going out to a party together; I had said that both Hank and Bff wouldn't be around that weekend, and I kinda wanted someone to hang out with, so they were open to it.

So the night comes and I get ready to go out with them. I went across the hall to where the hot neighbors were getting ready and found that RA was getting ready too, and she was excited to be coming out with us. Also present was Hn2's older brother, who was a pretty cool kid.

So the five of us went out to this frat party and Hn2's brother and I are running the beer pong table when, somehow, he gets into a fight and is promptly kicked out. Hn2 leaves with him, leaving just me, RA, and Hn1.

So RA and I are talking and she says she broke up with her boyfriend, whatever. Now I'm not entirely sure how it got to this point, but we started making out. While this is happening, some drunk kid bumps into a small bar set up in the living room and I see, out of the corner of my eye, this bar is about to fall over, so I break away from RA, mid make out, and save the falling bar, prompting the entire frat to cheer for me.

Also, at this point, I am parading around the party saying "She is my RA!"

So anyway, we get back to the apartment, hang out for a little, and then she passes out in my bed, and I do too, we don't do anything. Then she leaves, and I assume it was all a one night thing until I find a note on my door from her. She said she wants to hang out again and whatnot, and has neatly written my name "Mikee" on the outside of the note. So I start to write her a note back, and as I'm going to write her name on the outside of the note, I realize that her real name, and the word, "vagina," have a lot of common letters in them, and all she really had to do was turn around to realize that she made out with the fucker who vandalized her hallway. Needless to say, I try to disguise my writing.

Well we hang out again, we bone a few times, and then we start going out, and I slowly start to realize how shitty of a person she is. First off, she always complains about money, she always says that "money is pointless and fake," but every time she got a paycheck, she would just spend that shit immediately and then be broke because "money is pointless and fake," again. She also revealed to me what she considered to be her darkest secret: she had ovarian cancer, and me, being a dipshit, felt bad for her and did not care about that. On the plus side, she assured me that she found out who vandalized her hallway, saying that one of Hn1's friends took credit for it. Now I don't know who is douchier here, me, who is going out with the RA after vandalizing the hallway, or the fucking douche who took credit for it.

Some time passes and she decides that she will not go back to school because of her health(that wasn't why) but seeing how she doesn't talk to her mom and her dad lives in Texas, she needed somewhere to stay. Well I solved this: Ben had an extra room in his house, so I introduced the two and they began to live together.

Now I'm not sure when I pissed her off exactly, it might have been when I asked why a beautiful girl like Hn1 was single or it might have been when I acted like a douche one time while drunk, but I somehow learned that we weren't actually going out anymore(yes I learned this, we did not break up, she just decided she didn't want a boyfriend anymore). I learned this on a Thursday, and how lucky I was to learn that on the following Friday, Ben was throwing an epic house party.

Well I went to the party, got really drunk, got into a fight with RA in her bedroom, and then passed out on her bedroom floor wrapped in curtains. The fight kinda settled everything between us to not be awkward anymore and established that we had definitely broken up and what not, plus I was more interested in her hot roommates anyway, so everything was fine.

Then the semester ended, we went our own ways, and one day in early December, Ben called me and said that RA was moving out. I didn't mind this at all obviously.

So Spring semester started, Hn1, Hn2 and I got a lot closer and we started hanging out more. About a week into the semester, I learn that RA is coming back to visit(she had dropped out of school and was living about 40 minutes away). So the four of us hung out in my living room and I listened to the girls catch up on things. Then RA started talking about her new boyfriend, which made me switch on my 360 and start playing Call of Duty. Hn2 yelled at me, saying that was rude, but come on, seriously, whose the rude one in this situation?

Towards the end of that night, I asked RA, in private, how her "health situation" was. She said she didn't know what I was talking about, so I said, "um, your...ovarian cancer..." Upon gaging her reaction to this, I established that she was, hands down the worst person in the world, and can only assume she never had cancer. Cunt.

So I haven't spoken to her at all since. She did write on my facebook wall a while ago, and I don't think I actually answered her because I really don't care about her whatsoever. Also, in the time since, I have hooked up with both Hn1 and Hn2, so fuck you RA, you cunt, I don't care if you die tomorrow.