Friday, September 24, 2010

The Cute Friend of the Cripled Girl I Hooked Up With Who Wasn't Actually Two People

So last night my female attention whore of a dog jumped onto the kitchen table and ate my dinner. She then proceeded to throw it up on the kitchen floor, so I locked her upstairs and let the puppy run free. Then I made Hn1 clean up the vomit.

Anyway, we went out, Me, Beard, Hn1 and Bigirl, Beard trying to get with Bigirl now. We were in Clubbar when we ran into Cripple and CCG2 so I bought them shots. Then we started talking, I actually didn't recognize Cripple at first because she is no longer crippled, but I was saying that I seem to see her out all the time and we should hang out more often.

So CCG2 keeps saying how I'm really nice and insists on me giving her my number, so she takes it down and calls me....And well, this is where I see the effects alcohol have on me....see, CCG2 has the same exact first name as CCG1, the same exact friend on crutches as CCG1, and apparently, as I learned last night, the same exact phone number. So yes, There is only one CCG, although it was cool to think that Cripple had two friends with the same first name that I hooked up with, I guess this makes a shitload of more sense.

Then Hn1 runs into Kingtool who recognizes me and buys me a couple of shots, which was pretty cool. Then I saw Jegabombs and he buys me a couple of shots. Then I saw our friend Greg, who I hang out with a lot recently, and he buys me a couple of shots.

So anyway, Beard went home with Bigirl and Greg and I went to Chillbar where we met up with Georgia and, apparently, I angered some black guy who was trying to get with her, but Greg and a few other rugby buddies told him to fuck off, so he did.

Anyway, Greg and I were at the bar and this hot but ridiculously drunk girl is standing next to us. So Greg points to me and tells the girl I need a kiss. Next thing I know, I'm making out with a hot drunk stranger who I didn't say a single word to.

Then I somehow got a ride home with Hn1 and her boyfriend, but there were like eight of us in a van, and I didn't know any of them, and if I ever saw any of them again, I feel like I still wouldn't know them. But anyway, I get home to where Tim's girlfriend is about to walk the dogs, but me, drunk, offers to do it instead. So she puts the dogs on their leashes and hands them to me, to which I reply, "What the fuck is this?" And she goes, "Um...the dogs?"

Also, by this point, CCG(1and2) is talking to me via text and she says "Most guys would fuck a girl before going on a date with her." So I had to reply by saying I wouldn' we have a date set up for I don't know when, which I guess is pretty cool.

That's pretty much my night.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Who the fuck did I make out with last night?

So I prepared all day yesterday to go out last night, and I heard that, amongst other things, Shorty would be up to visit this weekend(but she won't be here until tonight) and both Bigirl and Hn1 kept texting me about going out, so yeah, I was happy.

So I waited for Beard to get back from work and, after he showered, he told me he felt sick and had a lot of homework to catch up on, so he was uncertain as to whether or not he wanted to go out. So I got a quarter and I said, best two out of three, heads=we go out, tails=you drive me to the bar. Well I hit heads twice in a row, so he was coming out.

We arrived at Clubbar after eleven, which meant we had to pay cover, which kinda sucked, but Birgirl and Hn1 were there so we hung out for a little. Then I saw Cripple girl, from the last post, walk in with her fucking crutches and whatnot and I asked Beard if it was the same girl, he said it was, so I grabbed Hn1 and walked over(still uncertain why I didn't just go with Beard).

So I tapped Cripple on the arm and basically yelled "Cripple!" and asked if she remembered me, which she did, so I bought her shots...her and her seven friends or so. Here is a run down of her friends:

Zebra-tall sexy ass blond girl who wound up missing out on the shots because I didn't get enough...for the rest of the night, I would insist I'd pay her back and she was welcoming to this.
Manly-A girl who basically resembled the female German soldier from Inglorious Basterds in the basement scene where everyone dies.
Tanker-Zebra's brunette friend who can probably out drink me.
Rugan-On the girl's rugby team, not a dyke or a bitch, but she also looks exactly like a retarded cunt I went to highschool with, which isn't her fault.
CCG2(cripple's cute friend)-Yes number 2. CCG1 was not around, but both CCG's have the same exact first name, which I thought was unusual.

So anyway CCG2 and I started talking and she insists she knows me, which I am clueless to; I am positive she was not CCG1, and I know the post probably suggests that she is at this point, seeing how they both have the same first name and are friends with Cripple. Anyway, CCG2 tells me that we met at the rugby party the previous weekend(A post I will put up in a couple weeks, as there is an investigation going on I can't talk about), and for the life of me, I cannot remember her at all.

Then I turn around and spot Mikee2 and of course, I buy him a shot as well. He asks me what happened to CWG, as he just noticed we were no longer facebook friends, so I tell him about how she cuntified herself and we briefly catch up.

Then CCG2 and I do another shot. Then we make out. Then I tell Beard that Cripple has two cute friends with the same first name and I made out with both of them. By this point, Hn1 and Bigirl left and we decided to go to Chillbar, so I said goodbye to CCG2 and we headed over.

In Chillbar, I started talking to these two girls who, I can't say I remember, if either of them were cute, but they were locals and not college students, and they were not too old. So I bought them shots and then one introduced me to her boyfriend, who was cool, and I told the other I was unemployed and she asked me if I wanted a job. So her number is saved in my phone as "Job."

Then on our way home I got somewhat horny and I texted Job to see if she was still up. She did not respond. I probably won't get a job...I don't even know what kind of job it would have been.

Anyway...Shorty is single! And She is visiting tonight! Shorty, if you forgot, is the girl who cleaned my piss off a hotdog cart in Miami so that I wouldn't get arrested...she also cheated on her boyfriend with me more than once...She is a keeper.