Saturday, April 30, 2011


Its almost hard to believe that a year ago I was driving to the bars, pregamming in my car, and then just exploring the avenue with the end goal of fucking CWG...and finding satisfaction in many other girls along the way.

Anyway, here is a quick summary of my night last night:

So Ben is set to graduate for real this time and he was having a shin dig at his house to start the night off, however Beard was very inept on going out as well, and in case I haven't already said this, Ben does not like Beard as every time Beard has ever been at Ben's house, he winds up either breaking something or creating a socially awkward catastrophe. We were informed instead that some alumni were up at a local bar with Mac, so Beard and I went there to pregame instead. Here, amid all the barcrawls coming in and going out of this local bar, I ran into Cheeks on her I feel I need a tangent time for Cheeks:

Okay so remember when I fucked Tall and her roommates turned out to be Dino and Bathroomgirl, AKA, two other girls I plowed before her? Well Bathroomgirl and Dino both graduated last year and Tall needed two new roommates, so she invested in Cheeks and some girl named Ground, to inhabit her house with her. The first night I met Cheeks, I was hammered and we exchanged bbms and Drunkmikee sent her flirtatious texts for the duration of the night, depsite the fact that she had a boyfriend. Well she broke up with her boyfriend and since then has come to believe that Drunkmikee and Realmikee both have feelings for her so, yes, she wants to fuck me.
Ironically, to give some information on Ground, she fucked Beard when they were both freshman and, one night while drunk, I, too, hooked up with Ground. When I asked Beard why her nickname was "Ground," he told me it was "Because her ass hangs low to the ground."

But anyway, back to the story....So Cheeks is at the local bar and she invites me back to her house but I decline in hopes of at least seeing the main stretch of bars before boning anybody. Cheeks is also with her fellow barcrawlee, who Beard and I aptly nicknamed "Hammerhead," because she looks like a hammerhead shark. Now this is the cool part about local bars, at one point, someone convinced Hammerhead to let them do a body shot off of her and so everyone got to watch as this occurred. The fallout of this was, however, that Hammerhead would sit quietly for the rest of the time in a cloud of shame being anti social. I tried to strike up a conversation with Hammerhead but this was going nowhere and Beard and I decided to leave.

So we went to Sportsbar which was crazily packed and we saw Ground there, so Beard and I decided to have a long conversation about Ground's attributions. Then Drunkmikee had an opportunity to be alone with Ground and I decided to give her a report, rating all her attributions.

Saturday's post is epic.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Hanging Out With Hairdressers

So yesterday Beard got his first haircut since Nam...well November, but close enough. The catch is, he only got a haircut because in the walk from our house to campus, there is a beauty salon that Beard liked to look into the windows of and wave to the ladies working inside of. One lady would always wave back to him and so one day he asked her to cut his hair, to which she agreed and that day was yesterday.

On top of this, if I may point out, Beard and I have a bromide we have been following since the weather got nicer: "Shorts on, Beards gone!" So we both shaved our facial hair off but, as Mac challenged us to do, we have kept only mustaches. So yes, right now Beard and I both have mustaches and nothing else.

Anyway, Beard has a new haircut and we decide to go to the bar. Hn1 is enthralled that we go to the bar with her as she is with her boyfriend and a friend of her's from her major who, without asking me, she decided she would try to set me up with. So Beard and I get to the bar(along with Ben, New Zealand and others) and I run into Hn1 and promptly got introduced to her friend, this overweight hippo of a girl. Well I'm an entertaining guy so I told Hn1's boyfriend and Hippo about my Cougar encounter and they found the story to be quite delightful.

So anyway Hippo is getting really touchy with me and I'm trying to be respectful, but she insists we go dance, and Hn1 insists we all go dance but I tell Hippo that I am too sober to dance. Ben then intervenes, he takes my drink out of my hand and insists I go dance with Hippo.

So now I'm standing on the dance floor with Hippo while she grinds up on me and I have had about enough, so I tell her again that I'm too sober for this and I walk away.

I spot Beard on the other side of the bar talking to this short blond girl and her brunette friend, so I walked over. Well, turns out this blond girl is the girl who had cut his hair earlier that day and, using my best form of Mikee knowledge, I realized this girl wants to fuck the shit out of Beard. I'm a very good wingman and so I start talking to the brunette girl. Our conversations escalate until we decide that we will all go back to our house and hang out, so we do.

So I'm sitting on the couch next to Brunette girl, Beard is with his hairdresser on the other couch, and we learn that both these girls have met each other in beauty school and that they are both, in fact, hairdressers...also they are both 21 years old so we're close in age. So DrunkMikee decides he needs a haircut and now I have an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow afternoon. Beyond that, there was something about Brunette I wasn't attracted to in person but, as I saw through pictures on her phone of her cat that she insisted on showing me, she was sexy as hell and was just dressed down tonight.

So the rest of the night was kinda a drunken escapade, most of which I don't remember. At one point, both girls individually asked where the bathroom was and I told them it was upstairs right next to my bedroom. But the night played out, neither of us got anything from the hairdressers but we enjoyed it. Then I went upstairs to bed only to find a note waiting for me on top of my laptop:

"See you soon! Lets get lunch together some time!"

Seeing how both girls went upstairs to use the bathroom, I have no fucking clue which one wrote this note! This note could be for Beard as his hairdresser was talking about him buying her lunch one day, and she merely thought that was his bedroom...but this note could also be from the Brunette girl at the same time as I will 'see her soon' (Tomorrow). Long story short, this is a mystery.