Now CWG has a radio show and Tuesday was her last show before graduating. The catch is, it is a country show and I HATE country music, but she assured me to listen anyway because she would give me a "shout out." Sure enough: "This is to my friend Mikee, the best writer I know, and yes, we are on for tonight." ...and then she started playing "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."
So after listening for an hour to hear this shout out, I went to Xos's office, as stated in the post beneath this, and then got a call from Ben while I was leaving asking if I was down to have a catch, so I drove to Ben's house and parked in his driveway just as it started pouring rain.
Long story short, Ben and I wound up hanging out inside watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, and I told him about the shout out and he responded saying that I should go to the bar dressed like a cowboy(save a horse, ride a cowboy)...I put a decent amount of thought into it, he even had a cowboy outfit to give me, but I changed my mind.
So then after two hours of watching Curb, I proceeded outside to where I had a Curb moment of my own. As I got into my car and started backing it out of the driveway, someone pulled up in another car and parked right behind me, blocking me in. They then proceeded to get out of the car and walk into the gas station next store. So then I get out of my car and follow him, intending to say something like "wtf, buddy?" But I get into the gas station, and he is nowhere to be found...so I bought a bag of chips and returned to my car.
Then after a minute of him not returning, I went back inside and asked the attendants if they knew whose car it was and one of them came out and moved it...weird.
So anyway, I get prepared to go to my last wing night of the year with The Bff, Bigirl, and Jungle...quick introduction of Jungle, she is a black girl with a ridiculous body, and if the situation arose where I had to pick a black girl to bang, it would be Jungle. But anyway, we sit up at a table in the front and I'm watching the door waiting for CWG to come.
While waiting, Jungle asks me to give her a neck massage and I do for a few minutes but soon I abruptly stop saying, "I better stop before my fingers turn black." It was funny, guys, I'm not an open racist asshole.
So CWG comes at about 8:30 and I introduce her to everybody, and I buy her a drink and then she apologises and says "Lost is on!" She offers me two options, come back to her house and watch Lost with her or wait till Lost is over and she'll come back. In retrospect, I guess I should have watched Lost with her, but I have spent seven long-ass seasons avoiding that show...apparently what I imagine to be the greatest vagina in the world was not enough to get my drunk self to watch an episode. So yes, I was cockblocked by Lost.
Anyway, I ditch these three girls in favor of Hn2 who, reluctantly, met me at Pub Bar where we run into my friend Jegabombs and continued drinking...she, having driven there, absolutely hates me for this moment. Of course, the first thing Jegabombs asks me is, "Mikee, is this the girl you're fucking now?" This is classic Jegabombs, every girl he sees me with is "the girl I'm fucking now," so, as much of an asshole as it makes me, I say yes. Too bad Hn2 overheard this and is now super pissed at me.
So I continue texting CWG, while sitting here with "the girl I'm fucking now," and I realize she is not coming back out but we make plans for an epic cinquo de mayo date instead, and I'm not too mad about this.
Then Hn2 drives me back home and we go into my apartment and hang out with the youngings. Now I am hammered, by the way, and I somehow make the rash decision to rip the screen off our living room window and take a piss out of it. We then proceed to take a roll of toilet paper, one of our last ones to be exact, and roll it out the window, down the small roof, and into the parking lot five stories down...basically the same trail my piss took. I then recant my story of Friday night to the youngings who love when I engage them in story time...I love how young people idolize the old story tellers.
So then I pass out, keeping in mind I have to wake up at 9, read 7 short stories, and go to my last creative writing class at 11am. I am, then, awoken by a text from CWG at about five am telling me about Lost...like I care. Here is our text conversation:
"I am so sorry I didn't come back last night, but tonight will be worth it."
"It better be, I can't believe you ditched me for Lost."
"Haha I can't help it..last three episodes! Plus this episode was AMAZING"
"Did they finally get off the island?"
"No but a bunch of them died."
"...in a plane crash?"
"Hahaha noooo...in a submarine."
"..."
"Hahahaha it was great, you should start watching it."
"Pass."
So then we proceed to go to our final class together ever and I call out the dick kid on being a dick all semester and then all the guys in the class collectively came up to me, including dick kid, and suggested we smoke a blunt together. I chose not to for no specific reason...okay there was a reason, I had a meeting with Xos that I totally blew off.
Anyway, I get back to my apartment and Smelly tells me that the ra asked him about the toilet paper going from our window to the parking lot and said the landlady plans on getting the cops involved. I then recall pissing out the window and find our decimated screen lying on the living room floor.
So, later on in the day, I spot the ra and I say something along the lines of, "Oh yeah, before I forget, our screen got destroyed by the wind last night and its all bent out of shape now." So she proceeds to tell me about the toilet paper and I say, "yeah, the screen blew off and knocked everything on the windowsill all over the place, the wind that bad." So now I gotta go meet with the landlady tomorrow morning and act like this mystical wind blew the screen off our living room window and knocked a roll of toilet paper, which was for some reason on the windowsill, out the window in such a way that it uncoiled for five stories before landing in the parking lot...fun.
Well that's it for now, I guess I'll let you know how this date goes tonight.
