Sunday, May 8, 2011

Everyone graduated!

The following regulars involved in Mikee's Miseducation have graduated from college:

Beard(actually transferred)
New Zealand

Still around:

Well I made due after last year's graduation class (CWG, Bff, Hn2, Shorty, etc.) so I think I'll be fine.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Taxi's and Psycho Bitches

On the one year anniversary of my first time boning CWG, I'm gonna wrap up 10pm through 2am last night in one sentence: We went to Ben's house to pregame, walked to the bar, Bigirl tripped and busted her face, Bff came up to visit which meant I had to see Chantgirl which, in return, meant I had to make out with Chantgirl but when she asked me to go back with her I said no because of her parolee boyfriend, and I lost sight of everyone I was with.

So now its 2:30am and the bars are closed and I'm scouring the avenue in front of CBOS looking for a taxi. I get into one taxi with two girls and this fat bitch, her skinny friend, and some dude also get in, so that's six people, aka, enough people for a taxi, but fat bitch insists we can't all use this taxi so myself and my two girls get out and decide to wait for a taxi across the street.

Then this first taxi makes a giant u-turn and drops this fat bitch off at the pizza place so she can feed her fat face. One of my girls says "wow, what a fat cunt!" So I take this as an initiative and start a chant, pointing right at her saying "FAT CUNT! FAT CUNT! FAT CUNT!" And to my surprise, a group of guys and a few girls standing behind us all start joining in, so this fat bitch is greeted with a "FAT CUNT" chant. Then I switched the chant up and started a "WHO'S A FAT CUNT? YOU'RE A FAT CUNT! WHO'S A FAT CUNT? YOU'RE A FAT CUNT!" And the crowd of people are loving it and joining in, it felt like I was in the bleachers at Yankee stadium.

And it was all fun and games until I saw Jegabombs suddenly climb out of the taxi and give me a "wtf?" look. Apparently he knew these people and got into the taxi when it was in front of CBOS after we crossed the street, but I'm drunk and he's drunk so we exchanged friendly back and fourth New York style insults before the taxi left.

Then I called the taxi company and ordered a new taxi for me and my two girls. When this taxi arrived, the three of us got in, me and one girl in the back and the other girl in the front. As we were telling the driver where to go, suddenly this psycho bitch appears at the passenger's side door and opens it, trying to rip that girl out. The two of them start sparring, and I'm just watching this, and suddenly some guy sticks his head into the taxi and says "EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAB RIGHT NOW!" I'm still sitting there though thinking, who the fuck is this guy? until I realize that it is a cop. So I get out of the cab and start to walk away....and I kept walking...until I arrived at my house.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Most Epic Battle Between Pirates and Ninjas Ever

So I kinda rushed Friday's post because this one is EPIC.

Beard and I started drinking on Saturday at about 2 and we went to this party with our tiny puppy. Greg was also at this party and he brought his giant pitbull with him and, for the record, Greg's giant pitbull would murder our little puppy in a second. So at one point Jegabomb's ex girlfriend is there and she is holding the leash for Greg's pitbull and I'm holding my tiny ass doggy on his leash and letting the two dogs grawl at each other from a distance, so this dumb bitch decides to let go of the pitbull's leash. Now I have a pitbull coming after our little puppy and I, single handedly, wrestled this pitbull away and arose from the backyard with my puppy in my arms while holding a pitbull by the collar with my other hand...stupid bitch. Unfortionately, all my heroics were not seen by anybody as, at this precise moment, Beard had been climbing a tree and fell out of it.

Anyway I get a text from Cheeks telling me to come over and hang out so Beard and I drop the puppy off at home and head over there. We get to Tall's house where Cheeks and Ground are hanging out, along with Bigirl and a few other girls plus like 2 other dudes. Now the second I walk in, I'm the shit and, not to boast, but I really brought life to that party.

Anyway, we walked to the bars and we head over to CBOS where I lock eyes with some random girl and then start talking to her. Her name was Kaitlin and she was decent looking, but she was with her friend, this fat ugly bitch. Me and Kaitlin must have been talking four about 15 minutes when she introduced me to her friend:

Kaitlin: (pointing to fat ugly bitch) This is my friend, Sinja
Me: Ninja?
Kaitlin: No! Sinja! But Ninjas are awesome
Me: ...Ninjas suck! Pirates are awesome!
Kaitlin: Pirates suck!
Me: Pirates do nothing but rape and pillage! Ninjas don't even have free will, they are not even allowed to enjoy their lives! Plus ninjas are pointless! They're like the fake enemy you have to face before you get to the real enemy!
Kaitlin: ...We have to go

So Kaitlin and Sinja walk away and I find Beard and we head over to another bar where we hang out for a little bit, but not before Beard is suddenly approached by a cougar(remember, Beard loves cougars) and he decides to go home with her, leaving me by myself.

So here is Drunkmikee parusing the bars and looking for pussy and, in the process, I head back to CBOS where I literally scour the bar for any girl I can find. I spot Kaitlin again and say something to her and she kinda shoves me off so then closing time occurs and I leave.

Now, there is a metal bench in front of CBOS and I walked out to spot Kaitlin and Sinja sitting on this bench, so I took a seat beside Kaitlin and tried to pick up our conversation from earlier, only to get this responce:

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You insulted me and my friend and you think you can just sit down beside me and act like you did nothing wrong?"

Needless to say, I'm kinda surprised to hear this...I mean, I "Insulted" them? saying ninjas suck "insulted" them? ...I criticized something that RHYMED with her friend's last name and that's an insult? Jeeze, its like I called them cunts or something.

So as if I wasn't already feeling like Lord Petrie, I get approached by three of their guy friends(all black) who clearly didn't realize I'm from New York. One of them says something, trying to pretend he's ghetto and tries to push me, so I push him away and then black guy number two comes up and punches me in the seriously, ghetto boy, who the fuck throws a fight's first punch as a shot to the stomach? Well now its a fight, so I pick up black guy number two and just kinda throw him in the direction of the bench, and he falls into the bench and tumbles over it in, what may have been, the funniest fashion ever. Here he was, upside down on this bench with his stupid fucking nike dunks sticking up in the air, and all I could think about is how funny he looks. Regardless, I looked back at his two friends who are just staring at their fallen comrade in shock, clearly either not willing to continue fighting or not having ever been willing to actually have an altercation, and I decide its best to walk away, and I do, in the direciton of the cops. As I left, I quipped something like, "I dare you to follow me," and nobody did. And I got home without the cops saying or doing anything to me.

So I walked home all by myself feeling like the man again. Beard came back from his cougar's house and I told him all about my night, to which he realized that the two most awesome things I did were witnessed by absolutely no one. Then I got a text from a random number I didn't know and I asked whose number it was. We sent a few texts back and fourth and established that we were both in CBOS last night. Finally I asked, "What's your name?" ...she responds, "Kaitlin." ...I simply answered, "Lol," and that was the end.